It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
