why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
