I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
