if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
