We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's always time for handjobs
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
