Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
