Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
