Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
