I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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