I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
