that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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