well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
