I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
