Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
