dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
