Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
