Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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