Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
