i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
