Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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