Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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