ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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