guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
