Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
