I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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