Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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