Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
