if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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