whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
In America we eat man semen.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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