I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
