Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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