Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
