i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
