my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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