Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
only if we run a train.
done.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
