He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
