All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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