omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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