Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
