I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
