I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
