i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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