I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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