Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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