Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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