i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
