I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
