Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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