my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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