if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
