I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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