yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
