I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
