Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
