Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
