i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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