At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
