I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
