I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
