Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
