she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
