dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
