i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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