Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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