so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
